Joyful Ruins

How you can support your single christian friend (From the perspective of a single christian 25 year old female):

1. Talk to them.

I can’t emphasize this point enough. If you want to love your friend who is single, you need to talk to them about it before acting or speaking into it. I can’t tell you how many well-intentioned people have tried to “help” me in my singleness and honestly made it worse.

Every person who is going through singleness is walking a different journey. Find out if they even want to change their singleness. Ask them how they feel about being single. Talk to them about the kind of person they are looking for, how you can help, etc. Truly, it is as simple as that. If you want to love them where they are at, just ask them about it, and listen.

2. Let them feel their ups and downs.

Because they are a follower of Jesus, they are hopefully trusting in God’s plan for their love story. That means, they do feel content in their singleness much of the time. They live life, enjoy their freedom, their time with friends, their a lone time, and their treasured time with Jesus. However, because their desire may be to be married and have a family, they feel discouraged and hopeless much of the time as well. They will have days where it hurts to be single and days where they wouldn’t trade it for the world (I’d imagine it is the same in marriage too?).  So please just meet them where they are at, even if it is up and down in a day. As it says in Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

3. Counsel and minister to them too!

Don’t forget them! There is this weird gap between college aged people and married people in the church. There is marriage counseling, couples classes, college groups, student ministries, but it is hard to find a niche for those whom are young adults and single. It’s almost as if the church doesn’t know what to do with them because they are expected to be married already.

I also understand that the majority of churchgoers are couples and families, but can someone please speak into the single people too? Help them understand marriage, as well as how to live a Godly fulfilling single life. If you need an incentive for doing this, then listen up! Many of those leading, ministering, and serving in your church are overlooked single people needing to be poured into!

4. Tell them the good and bad of your marriage or dating relationship.

Please share with them about your relationship, but let it be balanced. Don’t paint it as perfect nor as a disaster. Be honest with them and share what you are learning so they can learn too.

5. Stay away from the Cliches.

“You will find him when you least expect it.” “Stop looking for him and you’ll probably find him.” “Don’t worry, God will bring someone into your life someday.” “You need to yourself out there more.” “Your standards are too high.” “He’s single too! You should go out with him!” “Man, I wish I were still single.”

I’ll admit, some of these hold some truths, but they have not helped me, personally, or built me up in any way. It is absolutely true that we should not be anxious or discouraged, surrendering this to God, but unless God has given you a prophetic message that they  will be married, you can’t predict or promise that they will find someone someday. So, maybe don’t say that. And yes, it is nice to have people looking out for you, even “matchmaking” in a sense, but just because someone is single too, doesn’t mean that they are meant for each other. Most of these can be avoided if you are getting to know the person you are trying to love on.

6. Finally, PRAY for them.

Some of my most encouraging moments in my single years thus far have been when others are praying for me. They aren’t just praying for a Godly spouse, but they are praying for me to have wisdom in who to like, for patience and peace, for me to grow in my relationship with God and as a follower of Christ, etc.