Joyful Ruins

Do we try too hard to get rid of our humanity? Too hard to fix it?

Being human is not a sin in itself. God created us as human; weak, dependent, emotional, limited. God even sent His Son to be both human and God, to show us that humanness is not evil or wrong.

So, why do we fight so hard against it? Why do we battle against our very nature?

Sin is to be fought against, but even in our sin, we cannot win on our own. Even in our fight against sin, we are so weak in our humanity, we must rely on Jesus to win the battle.

What I am processing is how I am constantly trying to “fix” things for myself and others.

I struggle with balance, a balance of working hard and resting. I have a hard time accepting what comes my way and how much is too much rest versus too much work. I even struggle with feelings of guilt, insecurity, expectations as I find myself in a day or week with little to “do”.

I tell myself that I need to figure out the perfect balance, the “right” thinking. I need, I must, not continuously feel this way.

Today, I had a thought. Isn’t this struggle just part of being human? It is the human experience to not reach perfect balance. It is the human experience to face the challenges of rest and work, to hold the reality that I have limits, that I can’t control everything, that there is far too much to do in this world than I can ever do. I want to be rid of that, I want limitations to go away. I want to do everything. I want control. I want perfectly balanced days and perfectly balanced thoughts. But that would make me more like God than human and I have never been called to be like God in that way. I have been called to be like Jesus, who came to live as man, to be with us.

Perhaps my freedom and joy, found only in the Lord, might also be found in practicing exactly what Jesus did.

Jesus embraced humanity. He fought against sin when He was tempted by Satan. He hungered, grew tired. He wept, danced, prayed, questioned. He was angry, He shouted. He taught. He spent time with friends and family. He worked hard in traveling, preaching, healing, and carpentry. He had limited time, energy, and yet He lived by the Spirit.

Rather than trying to fix my humanness or reach perfection, I feel I should accept it, accept my limitations, my emotions, my weakness. God made me human. There is no point in fighting it. I want to accept it and all it means to live with the ease of knowing my humanity is covered by the grace and love of Christ. I want to stop calling weakness, wrestling, confusion, limitations, and so many other human things evil or wrong. They are not evil. They are just human.

I want to apologize too, as I have sought perfection for others. The truth is, some things we will always long for or struggle with. We may never reach full contentment in certain areas. We may never stop desperately wanting a spouse, success, children, or other human experiences. I am sorry that I have expected my friends and myself to reach a spiritual level that may not be reached, that I have been waiting and praying for a “fox”, that God may take away that very human experience, and the very thing that may increase your reliance on Him more.

I don’t think I am meant to ask Him to remove my humanity or yours, but to invite Him into it.

For some, this will be discouraging. For others, a relief.

For me, personally, it means letting go of perfection, and embracing the real weakness of humanity, acknowledging that I may experience so much that I want to fight against, but I am not meant to fight against. I am meant to give it to Jesus and walk with Him through it.