Joyful Ruins

Shall I swim in my grief today

or just dip in my toes

and do I have a choice?

If I swim

will I drown?

If I dip my toes in

will I be tempted to go in further?

If I ignore it

it will still be there

waiting for me

Will diving in

refresh my soul

or make me cold?

Will dipping in my toes

satisfy my need

or cause me anxiety?

Can I swim or is it too deep?

Can I choose to swim for a time

and get out when I need

or will I be swimming all day

like in an ocean

if I get in now?

Navigating grief

imperfectly

but I may just learn

to swim

enough for healing

to learn the strokes

needed to swim this pool

and to know

when to dive

and when to dip

It cannot be ignored

I know that

but with time

I may find

a way to experience it

without drowning in it