Joyful Ruins

(This was written a few months ago, it doesn’t reflect my current condition, but is still a writing a value very much)

I am doing a work on myself that takes persistence, steps, and prayer. It is a hard, sometimes mundane work, that is foundational BUT the fruit can be difficult to see.

I have been dealing with health challenges and surprisingly, those health challenges have uncovered so many areas of spiritual and mental sicknesses.

I have been living a very enslaved existence by works, service, worry, fear, people pleasing, shame. I am grateful God used whatever means to uncover these things, showing me that there is a promise land ahead that I can go in and take possession of with Him and because of Him.

But, as I said, this is hard repetitive work and I have moments of doubt. In one of these moments of doubt, God simply said, “Nehemiah” to me and I jumped at the direction and read the entire book which encouraged me deeply.

I want to walk through Nehemiah in this post, as it pertains to our spiritual life, our places of suffering, our valley walks, and show you how God responds and how He desires us to respond.

Starting in Chapter 1, we learn that “Jerusalem’s wall has been broken down, and its gates have been burned.”

When I read that, I felt rather than referring to a wall, the “broken down” and “burned” spoke of how I felt in this season, especially inwardly.

Hurt, rejected, tired, anxious… my inner condition is in a bad condition.

Nehemiah’s response to this news about Jerusalem was to “sit down, weep, mourn for a number of days, and pray before God.”

As God reveals to us our condition, as we walk through grief, pain, and trials, we will come to moments of weeping and mourning.

This is the healthy response to hurt and pain. When we realize how bad things are, crying is natural.

I have had many weeping moments, but my most recent came when I realized how long I had been hurting myself by belittling myself through the way I spoke to me. I cried for myself and mourned for the me that I had treated so poorly.

A key part of this mourning is bringing it to God, talking to Him about it, even through sobs, offering prayer.

What a prayer Nehemiah offers God! After mourning and fasting, He is ready to move forward and ask for God’s help.

He reminds God of his “gracious covenant”, acknowledges his and others’ sin, recites God’s promises, asks God to be attentive, bring success, and show compassion.

Nehemiah’s prayer is bold, secure, aching, and humble.

We will have many of these prayers and moments along our journey and God hears and treasures them.

Nehemiah part 2 will be continued.