Joyful Ruins

I have tried

to prevent death

in all its forms

and shades

And this has made

my life hellish

for when I fail

and of course I will

I punish myself

it is an impossible task

no one can

measure up to it

and though I understand that

I have yet

to discover

what to put my mind to

instead

I’ve spent too long

preventing

worrying

fearing

unlearning

such a core

habit

is not quick

or painless

But I recognize

the lie

and futility

of it

and that’s

a start