Joyful Ruins

Who am I?

To answer such a question, I must ask another.

Who was I?

A little girl who dreamed of being a mermaid.

A girl who wanted to be lived, loved, and chosen

A girl who felt special deep within but felt invisible deeply with out.

A girl with so much to say and no one to hear it.

A girl who put her fear and worry in her stomach.

A girl who quieted and hid to avoid disapproval and rejection.

A girl who toed the line because mistakes felt like punishment.

A woman who had no faith in herself.

A woman who found herself trapped and yet she stayed.

A woman who forgot who she was.

A woman who found her cries unheard so she gave up crying.

A woman riddled with worries every morning.

A woman constantly seeking approval, hoping someone would name her beloved.

A woman who could not breathe, ached, and had a racing heart beat.

A woman chronically ill, on the floor of her bedroom, begging to be taken away.

THAT WOMAN MADE ME.

That woman chose to keep going.

That woman adjusted, adapted, and yes, she smiled.

That woman trudged through the mire of fears, depression, and pain.

That woman trusted her passion and trusted her God.

That woman spoke her truth, never gave up, persevered.

That woman walked away.

She waited. She worked. She chose. She hoped.

Now that woman is me.

I am a woman free of chronic anxiety.

A woman who chooses to turn towards her pain and wrap it in her embrace.

A woman who no longer runs from herself, but holds her hand through it all.

A woman who NEVER STOPS MOVING TOWARDS LOVE.

A woman who feels and allows feeling.

A woman who is human.

A woman who is expanding now.

A woman finally living.