Joyful Ruins

It is strange to experience

rather than curling up

and hiding

To feel a stretching in my chest

a warmth in my stomach

there’s no other way to describe it

except for expansiveness

The truth is

I never believed

I’d feel this way

trapped by pressure

approval, perfection

preventing all mistakes

and every fear

living small

not living at all

But now I feel

I feel the pain deeply

allowing it to flow

AND I feel the joy highly

allowing it to rise

I ebb and flow

I used to read about this concept

and wondered how to get there

I took the steps

I did not relent

I chose hard

I chose new

I trusted my voice

I decided I would push through

and now I am here

the same hards

because being human is hard

and yet I’ve learned

to let it feel hard

to hear myself out

and validate the pain

and the fruit of that is this

Full joy