Joyful Ruins

Sometimes I just want someone to hold me

This is made more difficult

by the fact that

I can’t remember the last time

I hugged a guy

other than family

and I feel shamed for wanting a man

while feeling shamed for being alone

There’s part of me

that longs for someone

to live this life with

That part of me

feels out of place

with the part of me

that has courageously

lived through hard things

alone

and that part of me feels put down

by so many who have someone

but say

you don’t know how hard it is

you don’t want this

Honestly…

That part has been put down

all my life

by myself

and the messages I have received

But doesn’t this part belong

just as much to me

as the part that has done hard things a lone

and the part who enjoys singleness?

I can want to find someone

And be ok with being single

at the same time

Both can be true

So I tell you

The part of me

Which longs for a strong hand

to hold mine

and share life with

I think you’re brave too