Joyful Ruins

I guess I feel “normal” a lot

but some places I get stuck

Like why am I single?

Why do I feel unloved?

Friendships hurt

and I feel alone

The biggest stuck may be

that I assume

my purpose in life is to struggle

and no one wants to hear or see

the real me

This

I’ve learned

is trauma

Those places in which

once upon a time

you believed these things

and they became

an automatic thought

perception

And though I’ve been strong

I’ve experienced joys

been a good friend

gone on dates

done well at work

shared my thoughts

I still hold these beliefs

like a constant hum in the background

of every moment,

good or bad

So, “normal” is still tainted

and it may take

a total break

to see this

but from now on

“normal” or not

I am ready to heal this