Joyful Ruins

I still think of You when a door opens

I wonder if You’re leading, aligning, working

But when I pigeon hole You into giving me a specific path

it’s easier to be disappointed or mad when that path doesn’t work

I make You my scapegoat

I blame You

I throw away intuition, love, compassion, and responsibility

and I place the blame in Your hands

Might you be offering and working in many ways

not just one?

Working through many open doors

many kind words

Working through my thoughts

my heart

my wants, desires, gut

Working in my transformation

through voices outside the church

as well as inside

Through nature

and laughter

movies and books

All the good that calls to me

What if You are already there

not for me to seek like a starving person

unable to find the food I need

but to know

You are in my thoughts, wants, heart

not in a You control me way

but in the moment I was born

You put part of You in me

and I can trust my human and godly experience

That my life is holy

I don’t earn it

it was given to me at birth

Whether I believe in You or not

You work for my good