I thought my unhealthy relationship to pain started after an exposure to black mold created weird phantom chronic symptoms. That time did leave me questioning so much of what I had been sold to believe. But as I have journeyed through my life and trauma, I have come to see that I learned, long before the mold that pain was dealt with alone and you were meant to get over it. I never could get over it and as an adult, I am struggling with physical pain the most. I have come a long way and I wrote this and felt it is another step towards life.
Can we not know
and still feel powerful?
Can we hurt and still
feel whole?
Can we seek and
still stay present?
Can we meet each day of pain
and smile as if to say
“I know you’re part of life
and I choose to accept you
in my day”
I am tired of fearing it and
fighting it
even the bigger things
I can’t change them
I can move through them
Like I would move through water
but I can’t make the water disappear
Fixing is wanting to make the pain go away
Moving through
Meeting
Growing
Changing
That is wanting to make things
okay for ourselves
no matter the pain
I have been afraid for so long
because I have been alone and told
I mishandle life
But I’m not alone
and I
am brave
and strong
and whole
It was never about faith or miracles
though those exist
It was and is about
showing yourself a world
where pain is met with
kindness
compassion
acceptance
and wisdom
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