Joyful Ruins

All of us have bodies that hold our pain, our emotions. Some of us have bodies that tell us when they cannot take anymore. They say it so loudly to us, it can be debilitating.

I am one of those people. My bucket is full, so every little drop added overflows my bucket and eventually, the bucket can’t take anymore.

I wrote the following while noticing how tense my body is after a recent health crisis. I wish I could say, relax, you are safe now, and it would be the magic words it needs to hear. I have learned that is not how this process works and this poem was my working through that. …

I recognize the tension

and yet the recognition

does not unravel

It is only a step to awareness

Now what?

I do not have a tidy answer

or know how to loosen

except for over time

over hours

seconds

months

and days

Over moments

slowly

and gently

until something loosens

or a sigh comes easier

Some of us hold it all in

and it builds

like a dam

All of what we experience is stored

until we start to ache

and leak

and hurt

Until life stops inside us

the ecosystem no longer thrives

but only survives

It may suddenly release

as the dam breaks

but restoration

takes a lifetime

of patience

and understanding

It is a long game

and hopefully

if one gets carried by

the waters of life

it is an experience

you become immersed by

The restoration of ones self

One which takes your whole focus

because it brings delight

There may be more dams ahead

but you will have already learned

how to break through

and the ecosystems within

will be more familiar

with returning to

the wild rhythms of life

I believe this is how rivers

like you and I

thrive